The Gospel of George

edited by Ran Prieur

June 14, 2004
Creative Commons License
Watching the exploits of the supposedly Christian Bush administration, one has to wonder: What Bible are they using? Now we know! Following is an excerpt from one of the Bibles used in the Bush team's daily Bible studies, transcribed from a few pages smuggled out by a White House aide. As you can see, it's a lot like the Gospel of Matthew in the King James version, but with a few changes...

5

Blessed are the strong in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are the aggressive: for they shall conquer the earth.

Blessed are the merciless: for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the warmakers, if they are called the children of God.

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, THOU SHALT NOT KILL. But I say unto you, that whosoever is afraid of his brother for his own security, let him go ahead and kill.

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. But I say unto you, that only whosoever committeth adultery before the eyes of his neighbor, hath committed adultery, so get thee not caught.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH. But I say unto you, that ye resist evil: and whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, smite him tenfold on both his cheeks. And if any man take away thy coat, take it back and take his cloke also.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, THOU SHALT LOVE THY NEIGHBOR, AND HATE THINE ENEMY. But I say unto you, destroy your enemies, eradicate them that curse you, punish them that hate you, and if you destroy their neighbors also, God shall sort them out.

6

Lay up for yourselves treasures upon earth, which pesticides and oils shall preserve from moth and rust; and where thieves break through to steal, thou shall be justified in killing them. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Ye can serve God and mammon. Therefore I say unto you, take thought for your life, what ye shall eat, what ye shall drink, what ye shall put on.

Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap. Therefore, are ye not much better than they? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin. Therefore they generate no profit, and thou shalt clear them with the brush.

7

Judge, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be spared judgment: and with what measure ye mete, it shall not be measured to you again: ye shall be secure.

And if thou beholdest the mote that is in thy brother's eye, it proves thou canst see clearly, and hath no mote in thine own eye.

Therefore all things whatsoever ye fear that men should do unto you, do ye even so to them, for you are the law.

And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.